BAND
So its been a while since I've updated this, since which Neon Fire 'broke up' and got 2 new guitarists in and continued under the name "Badlake Hill", the choice to basically kick Sam out was not one I initiated, it came out of nowhere though If I wanted to stay in a band i wasnt really given much of a choice other than to accept it.
So along with Ryan, Matt and Myself; Dan and Tom are in now, I love them both. Great musicians, great people. We're a different band now I suppose. More serious. We have our heads on straight and are booking up gigs and getting alot of interest from good places. I'm happy with where we're at, couldn't ask for more!
Badlake Hill!
DREAMS
So..my Dreams. Something I don't think i've ever spoken to anyone about. I have the same dream once a fortnight, sometimes three nights in a row, they can be very random in their occurance. I'm back on the playing fields at my old school in Yateley, we're all about 16 years old in appearance but other than that we are who we are now at the age of 23, memories, achievements (which for me is very little..hense the dream...) etc...
We'll all be playing football (Myself, Chris Gardner, Adam Wareham, Tom White, John Varndell, Adam Newbury, Adam Jeremy, Alex Castle, Mike Unwin and usually a few more but these are the most frequent) largely people from my classes at Yateley School and Westfields and in the dream I know its the last time I will get to do this, like my last day before I leave everything behind (again) it will be so innocent, just a bunch of friends playing football but I just cant help but feel nothing but sadness, not just in the dream but I actually feel it, and still do for hours after waking up, like just wishing I could be there again, at that age. Like I've lost that part of my life, lost the friends I used to have, lost the chances I could've had. It's when I have these dreams that I realise I miss them all loads, I feel like I've been left behind, like they wouldn't even remember me, I'm nothing.
I miss Chris the most, we were best friends and even as I write this I continue to feel so overwhelmingly sad, partly because I dont feel like I ever said a real goodbye, and in the time since; we have lost contact, he's probably forgotten about me, doing great things and having a great life while I still have no idea what I want from my life. In the dream that I woke up from less than half an hour ago I felt like he was ignoring me, at the end I pulled him aside from the others and asked him a question, we walked off and he told me I had wasted my life, that I should have gone to University, we laughed about something (If I recall it was because we saw a half eaten cheeseburger left ontop of a wall in someones garden and we thought it was wasteful). I woke up shortly after this, Lauren was asleep next to me. I had to get up and write this down somehow, the dreams keep haunting me...
I hate these dreams....
